Intergenerational Interview: Me and Meema

We discuss the future, the past, our relationship, our lives.

Three nights ago, I woke up in a cold sweat. I twisted out of my soaking wet sheets and went right for the booze. It did not solve anything. 51 hours later I woke up on my kitchen tile with the same horrible thought: One day, my Meema wouldn’t be here to bake me cookies no more. That morning I called my grandmother and asked if she would let me interview her so she could be immortalized by my Substack. Our conversation follows.

Meema, you’re 95 years old, correct?

Yes, Poop-poop, but I feel much younger.

Wow. You’ve seen so much history. What was it like being alive during the time of Martin Luther King Jr?

Ugh, that guy.

Well, okay. Let’s move on! What about society has changed most since you were a little girl?

Oh… I guess what’s changed the most are everyone’s values.

I couldn’t agree more. Please, Moomoo, elaborate.

Well, back in my time if a woman had tattoos she wasn’t fit to serve coffee, let alone teach children.

Okay. That’s interesting, but what—

And now I mean, these people. It’s not polite to even mention them. I saw a man the other day wearing a shirt that said “please somebody fuck me!” a man in my day couldn’t land a job if he dressed like that.

I doubt he’s interviewing in those clothes but—um, Neenee, what were you doing during World War Two?

Oh those were dark days, Lolly-lou. I was 11 years old when it started. Father was steaming mad ‘cause all my suitors went off to fight the Japanese.

Your suitors?

Yes, I was about the only girl in the fourth grade who wunnit married. I remember wondering “Who’s gonna want to shack up with an old spinster like me?” Then your grandfather came along, that sly rascal.

Okay. I guess it was a different time. I never knew my Peepee-dee.

It’s one of the great sadnesses of my life that you never did meet him… My Leopold. *sniffs* He’d be 151 today.

Happy birthday Grandpa Leo! What’s one thing you want the younger generation to take away from this interview?

Morals are important. If the wrong types of people start doing wrong sorts of actions, then God will get very mad. And he will damn you without mercy, even though he be a merciful Lord.

Let’s get you back to your windowless apartment.